drown, float, as you wish

I looked back at the oceans of moments
Floating behind me, drifting in the dark
For some I felt shame, for others shame to lament
Some were in shadow, others were in spark

I was spinning in the water, a ghost
Under my toes, the sand danced as I left
It to float, while what I wanted the most
Was escape, escape from the ache – regret

I looked up at the sky with nothing in it
But all the dreams I’d used to distract,
All the blood I should have shed with a slit
All I’d done to disguise how much I lacked

Now I was alone, alone like nothing
Exiled to nothing, such an unwanted thing