It Was Illicit Though

I don't want to drink anymore but I want some
Seconds spent with your eyes centered upon
Me while you pour out my whiskey and rum
It touches my lips, I look up, you're gone

Walk away now, you know that's much better
We won't exchange...we're just not allowed to
God I feel chained, tied down by my fetter
Which keeps me alive, from just letting go

I'm strangling us all, most of all him...
Remember when I brushed against your lips
The nightclub toilet, you bit in my skin
Wrapping both of your hands around my hips

They would call what we did then illicit
But what we felt...well can you dismiss it?

Flashing Out

I push my thoughts, push my life...go away!
I can't hear you now, you can't catch me here
I know all too well what you want to say
I wake up inside you drowning in fear

But I'm here now, I'm here and I'm hiding
Where I can't see the look upon my face
Time toys with me, watching while biding
Waiting for that, for my last fall from grace

When I'm dancing the beat pretends I'm safe
The wine keeps me blurry and unafraid
Not eating keeps me free, keeps me a waif
But at what cost? Sometime price must be paid

But while disco lights flash over my skin
They safeguard me from the terror within

Milliseconds From Far Sonnet

From out her nape sweat trickles downward
While her heart begins to race up up up
She knows she smells sweet, perfumed and powdered
Grasping for dear life onto her wine cup

No one around sees her though they all stare
Their bearings are languid, like her's suffused
With anything at all to help impair
Memories of being smarted and bruised

Her hips move in step, her fingers caress
Locks of her that are sticking to her cheeks
Her silhouette bared by her mini dress
She's thinking of something and her eye leaks

With head tilted down, eyes on the ceiling
She's grasping at any abstruse feeling

Leaving Lover

This won't end well, you know it never does
He watches me out of sorrowful eyes
Wants to know what I want to do because
He's sick and tired of dissembled lies

I do my best to keep my voice normal
He for his part does his best to believe
That every minute isn't so awful
That maybe I won't, no... I won't aggrieve

Thoughts run in circles, I fear that it means
A climax is coming, one to end it
Like suicides end in direful scenes
As you're too dead, too gone to feel regret

I see his heart breaking before it has
Can't bear that I see what I'll leave it as

I Don't Love You

I knock on the door in hesitation
Of course he's long decided how to act
Will he fulfill or end our flirtation?
I'm afraid either way of the impact

''Oh it's you, close the door and have a seat'
He pretends he didn't already know
Preparing me for impending defeat
My heart sinks but my nerves are still aglow

'I just came to see you to talk about...'
To tell you I love you I want to say
He purses his lips; I want to run out!
As though he stabbed me, my heart ebbs away

His eyes say he's faking his nonchalance
But it's my heart that's breaking in response

What Blushes Don't Say

The classroom was hot and then it was cold
Blood red blushes made it all obvious
Though what glances betray is manifold
We see what to them was impervious

She asked herself why he ogled her so
And why he was always leering near her
Long moments he paused pacing to and fro
'What are we playing' her eyes asked demure

He thought to himself 'I must stop flirting'
No matter how pretty, how sweet she looks
And I don't love her, though it is hurting..
None of it's real; we're living through the books

She feared and knew he could disregard her
He feared to show, he too, had to suffer

Outside the Club

Why are we standing here in the alley
That isn't an alley, for it's exposed?
I think I just peed onto my challis
It's so cold that it might freeze on my toes

You're laughing very hard maybe you took
The lovely little tablet of promise
That you bought; I don't know I didn't look
How you glow! like ripe cheeks of a goddess

I do my best to stash the wine discreet
Fumbling with my hands and with my brain
Ere I notice it rolling at my feet
You wave your hand, the meaning is arcane

And so I stumble while you retain poise
Back into the club, back into the boys

It's All My Fault

He sees my face, but it's only a mask
I know he senses what is underneath
But I don't tell him and he doesn't ask
Bite my tongue til it bleeds, with shaking teeth

The things that I've done will always be done
The things that I need I can't wish away
Did I merge my vices into someone?
The someone is me, in my disarray

How do I utter my lips were untrue?
The virulent apple they devoured
It's all so much worse than that which he knew
I tried to say it once, I... I cowered

We both live a lie I made up in lust
When I see him all I see is false trust

Dreaming Bittersweet

My feet are tapping to the noise they hear
My minds skips to the dreams it cherishes
You know the ones where I'm thin and clear
So thin and so sweet, once again childish

Like a wave I know is brewing behind
Preparing to crush me, pull me under
The impact will mar me, why don't I mind?
While you'll then go on, I'll lie asunder

I know that you'll find me, see me dancing
And look over every one of my flaws
I'll be dreaming of you while you're glancing
Before I feel your presence, you'll withdraw

So I'll stay on the floor tapping my feet
To all my false hopes, dancing bittersweet

Go Away

I know I shouldn't be here talking to you
In your eyes flutter out little flickers
As you laugh at me, but that is nothing new
My pulse quickens and pupils grow thicker

Your pale winter skin has been bronzed by sun
While mine is moist from the drinks and strobe lights
“I saw him touch you, I hope you had fun
I was.. enttauscht by it, by the whole sight”

You say while I feel guilt stabbing my chest
I bow my head down, should I be ashamed?
“I shouldn't have flirted, I...” I confessed
“Yes but you did and I saw” you exclaimed

The pink rose to my cheeks, my eyes were slit
You didn't want me, that's why I did it