good morning goodbye

I wanted to stay in your arms when
the light around us grew too bright and you
were ready for me to leave once again
looking far past all the glances I threw

I left before your face would show the need
to have me gone gone gone, not there anymore
bit my tongue so hard it began to bleed
as I left the moment switched to 'before.'

the stairs in my path, I danced down them all
elated I was, by your lost presence
forgot to blink when I started to fall
where am I now? I came to my senses.

I was alone lying prone on the ground
we werent coming back, my poor mind unwound.

:::But Walk Me Home..::::

His footsteps echo just behind my own,
Cheeks afire though the wind is blowing
“You don't have to take me all the way home,”
I whisper but my hopes are red glowing

He stops walking and my breathe freezes too,
“I understand. It's fine. So I will not.”
I stop too – this is not the tale I drew
and now my chest aches, I can't breathe through the knot.

I ignore my pride, glancing at his eyes
that won't meet mine. “I was kidding you know,”
I say although it rings out so unwise.
Hushed he says, '”so you don't want me to go?”

I took his hand, he left me at my door,
With a shaking hand, just so insecure

What He Thinks

Beyond your reach beyond even your thoughts
Sits someone who looks like me, just like her
You once wanted her, or have you forgot?
Of course you were right there's no future

Her eyes are so brilliant sometimes although
You've an inkling, how darkness spills out
But the despair, the despair, oh the despair is so
Trails her around, above like a cloud

You’ve never seen her prostrate on the floor
While you were a boy, a boy that's so proud
She stared at the sky, the god she cant implore
Choked on her voice, death rattled aloud

You don’t know her and she doesn’t know you
But unlike her you’d turn away if you knew

We Just Won't Speak It

The glittering in his eyes was veiled yet
The pressure of the air warned me it was there
I told myself look away and don't let
Him know that you see it, him know that you care

Stumbles of silence while endeavouring
To think of something neutral that still meant
More than that around us, all the nothing
On my chest the silence wouldn’t relent

The ghosts of thoughts, of feelings once half felt
Tell me I'm doing wrong, something dark
But the pressure eased through me as I knelt
We were touching with out bodies apart

The night whispered tales of coalescence
But I hid, frightened so by their essence

Next Page

Of all the faces around, none are mine
Like a ghost I haunt your mind's corridors
Not knowing who I am, you'd know me blind
But you, you don't even recall before

My hair swept back, you are looking at me
And from my eyes I'm screaming that I care
You don't need them, no, you need my body
You see the form, don't see what I can't bear

So I walk away, walk away downcast
But do it as though it all means nothing
You see me go and oh it comes so fast
you need me now! you want more than a fling!

I've read the next page in our short story
It's only me who cares, you can't worry

A Long Time Coming

I know you, knew that you would come for me
And I knew that I would bow down my pride
And let you kiss me while I laughed sweetly
It's as though it was never to decide

'Meet me outside in 58 seconds'
I knew it would take you longer than that
And that I would do just as you beckoned
My only concern was if I looked fat

Your body on mine, of course wanting more
But I'd planned just where I'd set limit
See, what I'd wanted was you to adore...
And so I could not, I could not submit..

So neither of us got what we had sought
What we could have, is less than what we're not

I Think It Still Hurts

They say once your heart cracks it will never
Beat the way it once beat, never un-crack...
And then the jagged line will forever
Be something you can't fill yet cannot lack

But what if your heart...well what if he cut
It as he stood before you with his face
Aligned so that he couldn't see it but
From our of your eyes he smelled the disgrace

What if the knife, he twisted and twisted
So sweat glistened on your skin and its tip
And he gripped it there tight until his wrist
Sweaty and tired it started to slip

As you fell to your knees and the flame faded
He leered at your chest, red and deflated

The Old Woman's Warning

„I sit and I think about all I was
What I have been and what I'll never be
I'd run back in time but only because
I fear I've felt much but maybe...vainly“

Her face as she spoke, showed signs of sorrow
The voice in her eyes told me of regret
Too late now, no more chances to borrow
A moment from time, no not once its set

I asked her then what she hoped for at night.
„I could dream for ten years but never see
his face again, it's been lost in the mist
That mist of time. But you'll see...yes you'll see"

A shudder went through me as I realized
That I one day too, might look from such eyes

Moving You

His cheeks were reddened and his hair unkempt
As he explained, I would be discarded
He didn't say that: it was what he meant
Although he used 'amicably parted'

I looked at him calmly, squeezing the rope
I'd wound tighly over my emotions
"We have to look at the whole breadth and scope"
He must have said, though I've now no notion

I didn't care that I would be transferred
They'd used my talents and tossed me away
What stung my chest was that he had answered...
He never loved me, not even that day...

So I pretended it was all just fine
His heart remained beating, but me? Not mine.

Conversation

You say you don't like the work that I've done
And you're upset by the mistakes I've made
I pretend to hear you...try not to run
'I explained it all so why have you strayed?'

As I listen I hear something explode
The fear is brimming, longing to stream out
I grasp for breathe as my courage erodes
'I wont surive this' I think and don't doubt

You'll never love me, in your eyes I'm just
The stupid girl who said to everyone
That she loved you so, and now you don't trust...
My chest is screaming flee! But you're still not done

And so I sit and with blackened heart hear
Your cruel eyes burrowing into my fear

No Not Good Enough

Red coldness in your eyes stings me silent
What would come from my lips tries now to drip
I pull and pull back, it will not relent
I squeeze my fingers and brace for it to slip

"Nothing nothing you mean so much nothing"
I hear you screaming although you're saying
I made dumb mistakes and now it's failing
My heart is stabbed and slows as its graying

You don't want to stop, you're dissatisfied
My chest is trembling, tears are shaking
but dont fall! You'd despise me if I cried
Bloodless lips smile, vacantly faking

At last you are done and I'm free to leave
I would say goodbye, but I cannot breathe

The Meanderer Sonnet

When I'm there I know that I'm becoming
A girl whose face doesn't look like mine did
I half-close my eyes, feel the gray numbing
My heart it is tearing, breaking amid..

The silent roar of keyboards click and clack
The deafing blows of useless thought trains
So little to add and less to subtract
I laugh aloud, but even that I feign


I've meandered my life all in a jumble
And now I crave the paths yet untaken
Though I expect that there too I'll stumble
And find all too late when I awaken

But I shut up my thoughts, bury my qualms
I don't want their help, I don't want their alms!

It is unrequited sonnet

It is unrequited

'Whatever you do make sure you do this”
He says to me with his eyes averted
Whatever I do I'm sure it's remiss
And he is ashamed of the night we flirted

He stares at the screen while I at his nape
I know of course his heart has been taken
Without seeing her, I envy her shape
Feelings in him – for me they wont waken!

Inside I cry 'why won”t you notice me'
I long to climb on him and unbutton
Everything hiding from me his body
He walks away, my chest falls down, sunken

Too messy – not pretty enough for him
I half-close my eyes to make it all dim

It Was Illicit Though

I don't want to drink anymore but I want some
Seconds spent with your eyes centered upon
Me while you pour out my whiskey and rum
It touches my lips, I look up, you're gone

Walk away now, you know that's much better
We won't exchange...we're just not allowed to
God I feel chained, tied down by my fetter
Which keeps me alive, from just letting go

I'm strangling us all, most of all him...
Remember when I brushed against your lips
The nightclub toilet, you bit in my skin
Wrapping both of your hands around my hips

They would call what we did then illicit
But what we felt...well can you dismiss it?

Flashing Out

I push my thoughts, push my life...go away!
I can't hear you now, you can't catch me here
I know all too well what you want to say
I wake up inside you drowning in fear

But I'm here now, I'm here and I'm hiding
Where I can't see the look upon my face
Time toys with me, watching while biding
Waiting for that, for my last fall from grace

When I'm dancing the beat pretends I'm safe
The wine keeps me blurry and unafraid
Not eating keeps me free, keeps me a waif
But at what cost? Sometime price must be paid

But while disco lights flash over my skin
They safeguard me from the terror within

Milliseconds From Far Sonnet

From out her nape sweat trickles downward
While her heart begins to race up up up
She knows she smells sweet, perfumed and powdered
Grasping for dear life onto her wine cup

No one around sees her though they all stare
Their bearings are languid, like her's suffused
With anything at all to help impair
Memories of being smarted and bruised

Her hips move in step, her fingers caress
Locks of her that are sticking to her cheeks
Her silhouette bared by her mini dress
She's thinking of something and her eye leaks

With head tilted down, eyes on the ceiling
She's grasping at any abstruse feeling

Leaving Lover

This won't end well, you know it never does
He watches me out of sorrowful eyes
Wants to know what I want to do because
He's sick and tired of dissembled lies

I do my best to keep my voice normal
He for his part does his best to believe
That every minute isn't so awful
That maybe I won't, no... I won't aggrieve

Thoughts run in circles, I fear that it means
A climax is coming, one to end it
Like suicides end in direful scenes
As you're too dead, too gone to feel regret

I see his heart breaking before it has
Can't bear that I see what I'll leave it as

I Don't Love You

I knock on the door in hesitation
Of course he's long decided how to act
Will he fulfill or end our flirtation?
I'm afraid either way of the impact

''Oh it's you, close the door and have a seat'
He pretends he didn't already know
Preparing me for impending defeat
My heart sinks but my nerves are still aglow

'I just came to see you to talk about...'
To tell you I love you I want to say
He purses his lips; I want to run out!
As though he stabbed me, my heart ebbs away

His eyes say he's faking his nonchalance
But it's my heart that's breaking in response

What Blushes Don't Say

The classroom was hot and then it was cold
Blood red blushes made it all obvious
Though what glances betray is manifold
We see what to them was impervious

She asked herself why he ogled her so
And why he was always leering near her
Long moments he paused pacing to and fro
'What are we playing' her eyes asked demure

He thought to himself 'I must stop flirting'
No matter how pretty, how sweet she looks
And I don't love her, though it is hurting..
None of it's real; we're living through the books

She feared and knew he could disregard her
He feared to show, he too, had to suffer

Outside the Club

Why are we standing here in the alley
That isn't an alley, for it's exposed?
I think I just peed onto my challis
It's so cold that it might freeze on my toes

You're laughing very hard maybe you took
The lovely little tablet of promise
That you bought; I don't know I didn't look
How you glow! like ripe cheeks of a goddess

I do my best to stash the wine discreet
Fumbling with my hands and with my brain
Ere I notice it rolling at my feet
You wave your hand, the meaning is arcane

And so I stumble while you retain poise
Back into the club, back into the boys

It's All My Fault

He sees my face, but it's only a mask
I know he senses what is underneath
But I don't tell him and he doesn't ask
Bite my tongue til it bleeds, with shaking teeth

The things that I've done will always be done
The things that I need I can't wish away
Did I merge my vices into someone?
The someone is me, in my disarray

How do I utter my lips were untrue?
The virulent apple they devoured
It's all so much worse than that which he knew
I tried to say it once, I... I cowered

We both live a lie I made up in lust
When I see him all I see is false trust

Dreaming Bittersweet

My feet are tapping to the noise they hear
My minds skips to the dreams it cherishes
You know the ones where I'm thin and clear
So thin and so sweet, once again childish

Like a wave I know is brewing behind
Preparing to crush me, pull me under
The impact will mar me, why don't I mind?
While you'll then go on, I'll lie asunder

I know that you'll find me, see me dancing
And look over every one of my flaws
I'll be dreaming of you while you're glancing
Before I feel your presence, you'll withdraw

So I'll stay on the floor tapping my feet
To all my false hopes, dancing bittersweet

Go Away

I know I shouldn't be here talking to you
In your eyes flutter out little flickers
As you laugh at me, but that is nothing new
My pulse quickens and pupils grow thicker

Your pale winter skin has been bronzed by sun
While mine is moist from the drinks and strobe lights
“I saw him touch you, I hope you had fun
I was.. enttauscht by it, by the whole sight”

You say while I feel guilt stabbing my chest
I bow my head down, should I be ashamed?
“I shouldn't have flirted, I...” I confessed
“Yes but you did and I saw” you exclaimed

The pink rose to my cheeks, my eyes were slit
You didn't want me, that's why I did it

The Puppy Doesn't Care

'I don't love you but I'm willing to talk'
Said my puppy as I pinched on his leash
'Only because we're going for a walk'
'Oh my' I thought, 'what a little sweet peach'

On the grass he stomped merrily about
It seemed he had forgotten my concerns
Suddenly he turned and gave me a shout
'You can talk now while I pee in the ferns'

'Okay' I said and grabbed a lock of hair
'It's just..I can't live for you anymore...
No not like this, not if I have to share
You loved her first and you still love her more'

My puppy laughed as I sunk to the ground
He didn't blink; I went mad at the sound

Haunted Dream

Before the morning had taken over
My dreams dwindled down til just one remained
My wrist moved and pulled tighter the cover
While the night fled as its darkness was drained

Back to the fold of the dream ever there
Who only deigned appear as the last one
It must have come from deep but if so where?
Something left in me, something never done

I walk into a room where they don't wait
For me because they know I am coming
Though never once at my initiate
Then they all face me as if I'm becoming....

Each one is there I should be at peace
But something haunts me, why won't it just cease?